


I’m A Loaded Gun Ready To Break Us

by alistoney



Series: 3b inspired works [11]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x18 speculation, Alec POV, Angst, M/M, SO MUCH SADNESS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18444089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistoney/pseuds/alistoney
Summary: A ring wasn’t going to fix this. A proposal wasn’t going to take away the pain under Magnus’ faked smiles and deflections. None of that was going to fix anything no matter how much Alec wished it would.Or a 3x18 speculation fic





	I’m A Loaded Gun Ready To Break Us

**Author's Note:**

> Idk what this is, I was listening to sad music and this came into my head so blame my sad playlist 
> 
> Title from Step Away By Corey Gray

The metal was cold against Alec’s fingers.

He stared down at the ring. The ring that just yesterday he’d been imagining sitting on Magnus’ finger. He had imagined it sitting there between the M and B rings. A symbol that he was Magnus’ and that Magnus was his.

_End your relationship._

Alec turned the ring over in his palm and took a shaky breath.

Magnus had said he wasn’t happy. That this pain might never pass.

It had broken Alec’s heart clean in half to see Magnus really _truly_ break. He didn’t think he’d ever get the shuddering sobs and tears soaking his shoulder out of his head.

Alec had realized then the real extent of Magnus unhappiness. He’d thought of the ring still sitting out on that table on the balcony and had shook his head at himself.

A ring wasn’t going to fix this. A proposal wasn’t going to take away the pain under Magnus’ faked smiles and deflections. None of that was going to fix anything no matter how much Alec wished it would.

And so he’d done the only thing he could think of. He summoned Asmodeus.

_Break his heart to save his life._

Alec fisted the ring.

He’d meant what he’d said. The only thing he’d ever wanted was for Magnus to be happy.

Alec knew he needed to tell Magnus. This was his decision to make. Alec had kept things from him once and he’d promised himself he’d never do it again. But he hadn’t gone to tell him. He should’ve told him as soon as he’d left Asmodeus but he hadn’t. He hadn’t because we was stalling.

He was scared. Maybe even selfish. Because it was one thing for _him_ to decide Magnus’ happiness was worth more than them. But to hear Magnus say the words. When given the choice, Alec or his magic. Alec wanted him to choose him. Wanted nothing more than for Magnus to turn down the deal. To say he needed Alec just as much as Alec knew he needed Magnus.  To say that Alec was enough even if it meant living without magic. For Magnus to say they’d find another way.

Alec wanted to be enough with everything in him.

But he knew deep down. After that night on the balcony, after seeing Magnus Bane well and truly empty, that Magnus would pick his magic.

And Alec couldn’t be angry. How could he? He’d seen the way Magnus had broken, he _loved_ him. His heart had shattered as he held his boyfriend in his arms and tried to keep the pieces together. Alec never wanted Magnus to feel that kind of pain ever again. And if that meant Alec had to live without him, he’d deal with it.

Magnus had lost countless loves in his long life. There was an entire box of memories to prove it. And he’d survived them all.

Magnus could survive losing Alec. He couldn’t survive losing his magic.

And Alec wanted Magnus to survive. To be happy.

He’d rip out his own heart. Give up his entire world to see a real smile back on his face.

Alec had thought about it. About being in that box next to all those memories one day. And now he thought of it again.

Thought of a ring sitting in that box. A ring that Magnus would take out years from now and caress with nostalgia. Of a ring that would remind Magnus of a Shadowhunter. A Shadowhunter that once held a piece of his heart and who gave him his in return.

The ring sitting in Alec’s palm, a reminder of dancing and laughing into each other’s necks in Havana. Of a hidden photo booth in Tokyo. Of giggling into each others’ mouths and tumbling into gold sheets. Waking up with the sun and being in love. A first date where two people decided there was enough between them to try. Of a love strong enough to change the world.

Alec hoped he’d smile.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! 
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated
> 
> Tumblr: [lightwormsiblings](https://lightwormsiblings.tumblr.com)  
> Twitter: [alistoney1](https://mobile.twitter.com/alistoney1)


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